This text was read by OCR from a scanned newsletter and has not been proofread yet, so expect odd characters and mistakes.
TRAVELS TO NELSON LAKES
(and so do Allan, Damian, Wayne, Paul, Katrina, Jane, Gerrard, Dave, Karyn, Debbie, Shane, Matthew, Andrew, Grant, Sue and Marlene-the-runner-bean.)
Written and illustrated by: Damian Kells and Karyn Burgess (or was that Jeremy himself?)
Setting the Scene.........
The sun was shining, ! / ~ a“ —_ _ and the sea was calm J ' N\
BUT on the Cook Strait Jeremy Bogone was missing his Mum!!!
Lees in Hawaii,
Nearby, a table of boisterous WT&MC trampers couldn't have given a #%&*@# about their Mums (except for Dave. . . . of course!) é ~ - Three half pints of Guinness “ess , a COOK Strait Of Sea arid Six visits Yo “the facilities” iater. . .
... the Duchess dragged the Hutt Valleys off into Picton.
By the time another keen punter was acquired in Blenheim, Jeremy was busting.
Two hours later Jeremy was still busting but finally the truck found the roadend.
Had Grant forgotten his pack or had he just forgotten what it looked like??!!?7!!
CHAPTER 1
Day one dawned clear and crisp... .
_ in Hawaii
but at Grid Reference 172 31', 41 58' Sheet NZMS 273/5 (a.k.a. Mataki roadend, Nelson Lakes - dummy!) it was sodding miserable. Yet. all were in high spirits and Jeremy cried.
A fine wee stroll later... ... AND SUDDENLY..... through the mist O Mt. Everest reared it's ugly head. Reconsidering their position, the trampers were finally lured ahead by Allan’ 's (what a leader) animal biscuits which awaited them at the summit. 1 oo _ - _ —— — — — _ ————— — 50 million river crossings, several wet buttock regions....... Yt be? Or and sixteen (or was that seventeen?) knackered punters later, Jeremy found himself camped beside the river bed, engaging in high speed carbo-loading, punctuated by the occasional death-hot peppercorn. \ I \
Next morning it rained... .andrained....andrained....andrained.... In fact, the monsoon came early that year .
But at Grid Reference 172 36’ , 41 57' Sheet NZMS 273/5 (a.k.a. 20 minutes up Bull Creek from the bridge, Nelson Lakes - silly!) it was a glorious autumn morning when Sue discovered some of Jeremy's underdaks lying motionless on the track. Linu!
It
The party set off on the short march to Sabine Hut. Two punters impersonating Jeremy had different ideas and were geographically embarrassed to find themselves at D'Urville Hut. This, they had done on purpose......... of course!! (NOT!)
Several hours of philosophical thought, beach sticket (that's cricket using several million stones bowled simultaneously at one wildly swung stick - all other punters diving for cover). and a quick dip in the lake (by some more punters impersonating Jeremy) later......... and cheesecake was served (on silver platters of course!) at Sabine Hult.
\' °-_
CHAPTER 3 \, la / \ \ Pa _ . _ —=—— . ° -~
The sun rose for the third time to scorch the barren landscape. .....
Leas in the Sahara Desert.
® But the terrain was boggy at Grid Reference 4h} (look it up yourself!) NZMS 273/5.
500 million thigh deep puddles, one concerted mud slinging match (instigated by one particular Jeremy) and several thousand, (or was that two?) wasp stings later... .... (and I think Mt. Everest reared its . - - ugly-head-again in-there-somewhere-. -), — aX x ; > me)
the punters came suddenly upon Speargrass Hut - complete with two resident hunters. One quick and efficient purchase of tinnies later, Jeremy was shocked!!
CHAPTER 4 Li [vy M1 <O tee ————— mee
Day 4was acracker!! ....... in Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard and by quite some coincidence, the day was also:a cracker at Nelson Lakes!!
Spurred on by thirst, two keen Jeremy's high-tailed it to the pub at St Arnaud, but the real Jeremy had better ideas, in the form. of cold but free showers at the camping ground.
One Cook Strait, six rounds of Sumo Wrestling matches on the helicopter pad of the tie —, the sun set for the final time on Jeremy, the seventeenth tramper.
AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORYIS .....